Kitty Chat

Seven more weeks of vacances. And with the batting record of soon-to-be-ex and the Passport office, every one of them may be here in France. I am STILL waiting for my youngest daughter's passport.

So, since they are so bored of Mum they could scream (and so, frankly, could I), I have made the Executive decision to put the girls at the Cléguérec Club de Loisirs again this week as they are going to the Water Park in Loudeac today, staying the night at the centre tonight then going pony riding tomorrow. Plus, it's music week...

So... tonight I have a night all to myself. Wow. Well...

But no Internet access....

Hmmm...

That will be fun, huh? Maybe I will ... um, give myself a facial! Or... um... dance naked around the living room.

Or go to bed early.

Sigh.

There are really good reasons for staying celebate. It's just remembering any of them fails me right now with an evening all to myself stretching before me...

Still... there is always Terry Pratchet....

Oh wait... it just came to me. Knobheads. Thats why I am celibate. I never meet any men except knobheads and I refuse to go out with a knobhead.

So.... Terry Pratchet and a bottle of wine, give myself a pedicure and a manicure and put some lovely tunes on the CD player... I seriously doubt anyone could make me a better offer...

Well, anyone who isn't a knobhead that is. Or married.... or in some other type of relationship....

Sigh....

I met this woman the other night at a 14 juillet party who was banging on about how wonderful my kids were and how she wished she had children like they were and could she just take them for a while, like a week? 

She must be joking, but no, she was sober and dead serious. I told her that it was one thing when they were like this: clean, well fed, no Barbies in sight, with the benefit of an earlier nap and candy-free. It was quite another matter when they were strung out on sucrose and quarrelling like quails over chocolate cake molecules or how many bubbles one had in the bath or which Polly Pocket outfit was more fetching with which matching Polly Pocket Pony. Seriously.  

Who ever came up with the concept of ‘pecking order’ was observing two sisters very similar in age… they then just applied it to pigeons… 

So if you chose NOT to procreate and reproduce, you can stay blissfully unaware of the following, these things will have no real meaning to you. 

1. On the 3rd of July, you did not wake up and think to yourself immediately, “What the bloody hell am I going to do with them for the next nine weeks?” You probably woke up, had a leisurely coffee, and read the paper wearing an unstained terrycloth bathrobe. Maybe even a peignoir. Parents don’t have peignoirs or if we do, they are pre-children size and no longer fit.
2. The word ‘rentrée’ will simply mean ‘go back’ to you if you speak French and not fill your soul with a warm, rosy glow, putting a smile on your lips and a spring in your step when you hear it.
3. ‘Club de Loisirs’ is possibly a place that sells Retro polyester Leisure Suits and is not, in your mind, the best thing since sliced bread.
4. You cannot name, stating colour and favourite object, let alone sex, of all the Teletubbies. You think NoNo is that nice partner of Pascale who runs the buvette over at Langoëlan. You might even think Camberwick Green is a charming village somewhere in the Cotswolds.
5. You believe that head lice are only found on neglected waifs in third world countries. You have no idea what coconut conditioner and tea tree oil have in common. You have never heard of a Licemeister.
6. ‘Worms’ are either of the earth variety or are night crawlers and are used for baiting hooks. You have never heard the word Piperazine in your life nor had to go to a Chemist for it.
7. You can decide, on a Friday at 5 pm to go away for a dirty weekend. In fact, you don’t even need to go away, but can just put the car in the garage, draw the curtains shut and choose to not answer the door or the phone. You even know what a dirty weekend is.
8. You would need to look up the word ‘muconium’ in the dictionary. You have never needed to clean it out from under your nails. You have no idea what ‘baby shit yellow’ actually looks like. You still consume Dijon mustard.
9. ‘Mastitis’ is some bovine condition.
10. You think breast milk probably looks similar to cow’s milk or maybe formula.
11. You have no excuse to eat banana rusks, so you don’t.
12. You buy shoes, oh, maybe once a year or so, or to match a particular outfit, not every 6-12 weeks. You aren’t particularly passionate about Clark’s shoes and may not even be aware they have outlets or the exact location of every one of them in a 400-mile radius.
13. You have never needed to patiently pick Lego pieces out of the vacuum cleaner bag while being carefully watched by a tearful, eagle eye.
14. The words Cream, Eggshell, Beige, Sand and White have meaning to you as carpet and furnishing colours. You have artistically arranged stones on your glass coffee table. You do not have a large collection of IKEA plastic cups, flower-shaped plates and bowls. There are no child-locks on any of your cupboards. Not even the one with bleach and cleansers.
15. A ‘Happy Meal’ is a jolly and convivial dinner with friends sitting around your immaculate dining room and sharing several bottles of wine. You did not serve said meal with a small plastic toy nor did you have to fight over the ‘better one’.
16. You have never heard, “Can you come wipe me!” at any time of the day or night. You don’t understand the magic of a bidet.
17. You will never have to hide a nonplussed look when your seven-year old daughter points at two dogs and shouts, “Look! Those dogs are having intercourse!” Then before you can comment when the five-year old asks what intercourse is, listen with incredulity and disbelief as the seven-year old explains it, and correctly as well. You also don’t have to worry about explaining the correlation between animals and humans, probably sooner than you thought.
18. You can decide to go out to a really nice meal, call for reservations, get changed and go. The words ‘high chair’ and ‘children’s menu’ and ‘play area’ do not even enter your mind. You have never heard of a Pirate Pete’s or a Chuck E. Cheese.
19. The idea of driving to the South of France in an open-topped sports car sounds fun, not an excruciating exercise in tolerance of the phrases, ‘are we there yet?’, ‘I have to go potty’, ‘I’m bored’, ‘I’m hungry’ or, my least favourite, ‘my tummy doesn’t feel so good…’
20. Sex can be spontaneous, not a planned affair involving locked doors, screaming into pillows and straining to hear the patter of little feet. Hell, if you don’t have children, you probably even still have sex.
    

Come to think of it, that sex business is how all the rest of us got where we are now…

This was sent to me by my lovely friend Sharon and I wanted to share it with all of you!

Inside every older lady is a younger lady -- wondering what the hell happened.

-Cora Harvey Armstrong-

Inside me lives a skinny woman crying to get out. But I can usually shut her up with cookies.

The hardest years in life are those between ten and seventy.

-Helen Hayes (at 73)-

I refuse to think of them as chin hairs. I think of them as stray eyebrows.

-Janette Barber-

Things are going to get a lot worse before they get worse.

-Lily Tomlin-

A male gynaecologist is like an auto mechanic who never owned a car.

-Carrie Snow-

Laugh and the world laughs with you. Cry and you cry with your girlfriends.

-Laurie Kuslansky-

My second favourite household chore is ironing. My first being, hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint.

-Erma Bombeck-

Old age ain't no place for sissies.

-Bette Davis-

A man's got to do what a man's got to do. A woman must do what he can't.

-Rhonda Hansome-

The phrase "working mother"! is redundant.

-Jane Sellman-

Every time I close the door on reality, it comes in through the windows.

-Jennifer Unlimited-

Whatever women must do they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good. Luckily, this is not difficult.

-Charlotte Whitton-

Thirty-five is when you finally get your head together and your body starts falling apart.

-Caryn Leschen-

I try to take one day at a time -- but sometimes several days attack me at once.

-Jennifer Unlimited-

If ! you can't be a good example -- then you'll just  have to be a horrible warning.

-Catherine-

When I was young, I was put in a school for retarded kids for two years before they realized I actually had a hearing loss. And they called ME slow!

-Kathy Buckley-

I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb -- and I'm also not blonde.

-Dolly Parton-

If high heels were so wonderful, men would still be wearing them.

-Sue Grafton-

I'm not going to vacuum 'til Sears makes one you can ride on.

-Roseanne Barr-

!
When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping. Men invade another country..

-Elayne Boosler-

Behind every successful man is a surprised woman.

-Maryon Pearson-

In politics, if you want anything said, ask a man. If you want anything done, ask a woman.

-Margaret Thatcher-

I have yet to hear a man ask for advice on how to combine marriage and a career.

-Gloria Steinem-

I am a marvellous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man, I keep his house.

-Zsa Gabor-

And this is my very, very favourite quote. One that I need to try to remember for myself.....

Nobody can make you feel inferior without your permission.

-Eleanor Roosevelt-

Today is absolutely glorious here in the Morbihan. What a fabulous, fabulous day... sunny and hot. Perfect laundry day!

I have taken to indulging in a nude sunbath every morning. My bedroom window isn't overlooked and the only ones who could possibly look in are birds in the trees and they are not bothered. The sun falls across my bed from 9.30 until 12 or so so I get the girls some breakfast then have a leasurely few hours enjoying my decaf and writing or reading. I am even doing some drawing as well. I think the combination of these things has really helped my seratonin levels because I am much happier these last few days. Plus combined with the fact that I am seeing the Doctor again, that helps a lot as well.

I got my Carte Vitale and my Mutuale thingy that pays 100% so I am taking care of stuff that I have ignored for a year and more.

Face the fear and live it, I suppose. It's just scary.... I'll post about some of it soon.

Well, if Madonna can do it, why not me as well, right? We have so much in common, Madonna Louise Veronica Ciccone and I. We both have two X chromosomes, we both moved from the US to the UK, we were born the same year... um.... oh yeah! And we have both posed nude for a print publication. (However I think the Times Educational Supplement is a bit more highbrow and respectible than a book called 'Sex'...)

OK, so thats where the likeness ends....

Heh, no big deal. I was 80.5kg this morning! Well on my way to becoming an X-ray! Hahaha.... (Love that expression, Bugs!)

I bet no one recognise me from the back when I get to 60kg if I was to ever pose again....

Nothing is a waste of time if you use the experience wisely.
Auguste Rodin, French sculptor.

Wise words from one of my favourite sculptors.

I suppose my challenge now is to figure out how best to utilise the lessons I have learned in the last few months.

1. Think before I open my mouth... that may be a hard one to do. I can but try I suppose.
   
2. NEVER, EVER, EVER post ANYTHING AT ALL if I am PMT. Nor send e-mails, nor text messages. In fact, until my Doctor gets my body chemicals in proper balance, it would be best to be put in solitary confinement for three days each month.
3. Saying sorry can be very embarrassing... especially when the person you are trying to apologise to ignores you. Tough. Keep at it. This is some of what humility is all about.

1. yielding ones rights and possessions to God,
2. earning the right to be heard rather than demanding a hearing, and
3. responding properly to anger when others violate one's personal rights.

I need to be a lot more humble. I need to learn better how to properly respond to anger, I have been doing a damn lousy job of it of late. At least I have withheld yelling at my children, that seems to be how others deal with anger, I yell at adults instead. Thats not good either. I need to express how wrong I have been about so many things and beg forgiveness from those I have wronged. I do not want to be seen as a monster, be likened to a terrorist, I do not want these character traits to be attributed or ascribed to me. That is NOT me, not at all. That line of thinking is flawed surely. You mean to tell me that ONE occurence is enough to tar and feather a person for life?

Hmmmm....

I suppose if I had known that, I would never have tried anything. I certainly would never have opened my mouth...

Tolerate the tolerant, isn't it? Or does that only work when it is on your own side of the fence? I wonder. Do the rules then change to fit the occasion? Someone can say these fine words when it applies to someone else but then when it is turned around, another cliché applies?

I am not trying to change this around, to put the blame on anyone else but upon my own shoulders. Certainly I was wrong. That has been established. What do I need to do to make it right? It goes beyond Hail Marys or Our Fathers. Will it just be Time that is the big and final healer of all wounds? Or can I do something more concrete and active?

Please?

There have been many shifts between poles in our Earth's history. The North and South poles have actually 'swapped places' causing untold change to the Earth's crust. Maybe where Continental drift started, I don't know.

We all experience similar shifts in perception from time to time. Like your life was one way at a certain point in time then an event occurs to change you and how you view life. It changes you forever.

That has happened to me a few times. It can be as simple as finally figuring out how to correctly mold and fashion wax for lost wax casting, an ah-ha! moment. It can be as happy as holding your son or daughter for the first time. Or it can be as painful as walking in on your boyfriend in bed with another woman. Or it can be as drastic as being drugged, bound and forcibly raped. My life has experienced both ends of that spectrum, from ecstasy to agony.

So something simple occured yesterday that changed how I feel about my life. This weekend I have been miserable and sad, full of regret for past mistakes, for things I have done, for things that cannot be changed by myself. Things that can only be forgiven by others, if they so choose.

Then the Universe shifted yesterday and I saw my situation differently. It was a simple thing that happened, nothing drastic or horrid, just... ah... I see now.

I have been so full of jealousy about a particular situation, I have been so wrapped up in that emotion that I could not, would not allow myself to see it for what it really was. Well, now I do. I had absolutely no reason to feel the way I did and this is such a liberating feeling I cannot even begin to discribe it.

But I will say this. Today I feel dramatically different about my life. I feel positive and I feel that 'things' will work out. I just needed a change of attitude... Oh boy, did I ever get it yesterday! Yeeeeeeehaaaaahahahahah!

Changes in Latitudes, Changes in Attitudes - Jimmy Buffett

I took off for a weekend last month
Just to try and recall the whole year.
All of the faces and all of the places,
wonderin' where they all disappeared.
I didn't ponder the question too long;
I was hungry and went out for a bite.
Ran into a chum with a bottle of rum,
and we wound up drinkin' all night.

It's those changes in latitudes,
changes in attitudes nothing remains quite the same.
With all of our running and all of our cunning,
If we couldn't laugh, we would all go insane.

These changes in latitudes, changes in attitudes,
Nothing remains quite the same.
Through all of the islands and all of the highlands,
If we couldn't laugh we would all go insane

Reading departure signs in some big airport
Reminds me of the places I've been.
Visions of good times that brought so much pleasure
Makes me want to go back again.
If it suddenly ended tomorrow,
I could somehow adjust to the fall.
Good times and riches and son of a bitches,
I've seen more than I can recall (Chorus)

I think about Paris when I'm high on red wine,
I wish I could jump on a plane.
And so many nights I just dream of the ocean.
God, I wish I was sailin' again.
Oh, yesterdays are over my shoulder,
So I can't look back for too long.
There's just too much to see waiting in front of me,
and I know that I just can't go wrong
with these...(Chorus)